Small Biz Buzz hosts Crystal Heuft and Michael Van Dusen are joined by Jason Komosa, a mental coach who helps leaders achieve their goals by creating a better balance in all areas of their lives.
A mental coach is a person who supports you, champions you, is your sidekick, your accountability partner, being very open, very authentic, very vulnerable. The idea is to just make you better while training your mentality, mind, and spirit.
“Leaders and entrepreneurs need to make sure that they're prioritizing their life. Not just their work,” said Komosa. “If we're just constantly focusing on work and ignoring all the other things that we need to have that quality energy, that quality work, it doesn't make sense to work 15 hours if eight of those hours are really quality, awesome work and the other seven are just half-ass mediocre work.”
“The message I preach is, ‘You might think you're doing yourself and your company a favor by putting the extra two or three hours of work. But the reality is you'd be much better off taking a break, stopping work, getting some rejuvenation, spending time with your family, go outside, get some exercise, get some movement, eat healthy, and get a good night's sleep,’” Komosa added.
Click play for more.
Transcript:
Crystal (00:11):
I did want to explore ... have you guys seen the movie Groundhog's Day? Because this is really where I'm at this week.
Dusey (00:18):
Absolutely, over and over and over again.
Crystal (00:20):
Totally. Me too. That's literally where I'm at. I just had to share with you guys because I am starting to feel not as drastic as throwing the toaster into the bath with me or anything.
Crystal (00:34):
But I honestly am like, "What day is it? Why is every day so similar? Have I aged to 90 to the fact that the most exciting part of my day is to rush to my puzzle table and do a puzzle?" I'm just like, "I can't take it anymore."
Crystal (00:50):
So am I alone? Or are you guys feeling this way? I know, Jason, you were just talking about it's been feeling like that anyway. But I'm not sure how much longer I can take of this.
Jason (01:04):
Yeah. We just had a baby recently. So for us, it's like we would be quarantined anyways.
Dusey (01:12):
Right, right.
Jason (01:13):
So if there ever was a good time to be quarantined, I suppose now is it. Yeah. Our day-to-day operations are taking care of the baby. That's pretty much it.
Crystal (01:27):
They don't do much at this age either. Like my new niece I was telling you about. She's been colicky. So she cries a lot more than my first niece and she apparently has gas like an old man. And she cries, eats, poops, and then sleeps. So I'm not sure if you're having the same experience.
Jason (01:48):
Yeah.
Crystal (01:49):
Yeah, that seems pretty aggressive. These little babies. You come into the world looking old and feeling old, and you leave the same way, I guess. It's quite a circle.
Dusey (01:59):
My kids are all a little bit older. And we started off this whole thing with a huge list of all these fun activities and we've gone through that list quite some time ago. And we normally have screen time limits and those are ... they send a little request to my phone, "Hey, can I have more screen time? Can I have more screen time?" And the longer this goes, the more I'm like, "Yeah, yeah. Yes. You can use the screens all day if you need to."
Crystal (02:24):
Exactly. So I'm really excited Dusey. I'm glad you're on today with us. Dusey is our-
Dusey (02:30):
Thank you.
Crystal (02:31):
...drop in cohost while Scott is out today. But I'm really excited to introduce you to Jason Komosa to you and all of our listeners. I met him at Phoenix Startup Week. And I have to say, my first impression of you, Jason, I'm not sure if you remember, was basically like, "This is a giant man."
Crystal (02:50):
You were standing next to my friend, Vincent. And Vincent looked like he could be your kid and he's a grown man himself. So I was like, "Who is this giant?" I'm not sure if I made the same impression on you. Not in a giant, but maybe giant personality, giant jerk. But I think my first words to you were, "You're huge. And you look like you could be Vincent's dad." Yeah.
Dusey (03:17):
When Crystal first said, "He's huge," and I go, "Oh, awesome. So he's awesome. He's got a big following. He's got great content to share."
Crystal (03:25):
He's huge like that too, Dusey.
Dusey (03:28):
And she goes, "Well, yes, yes. Like that. But I was just saying that he's a really big guy."
Jason (03:34):
Yeah.
Crystal (03:35):
I got real specific.
Jason (03:37):
I'm six foot seven. I'm a larger dude. I played sports. And I'm sure, Crystal, your comments about Vincent made him feel real special.
Crystal (03:48):
Well, Vincent luckily knows my personality. He laughed it off. But I was glad I didn't turn you off from coming on this show to talk about what you do, which you do-
Jason (03:57):
No.
Crystal (03:57):
...a lot of stuff for a lot of people. You're a mental coach. You focus in on strengthening relationships and life balance for specifically leaders. So I'm really excited to have you. Thanks for not being put off by me saying you're a giant, but I'm glad you're here today. I'm glad you're here.
Crystal (04:16):
And I can't wait to talk about specifically what you do. As well as why leaders, and entrepreneurs, and small business owners, why they need extra coaching probably for everything they deal with on a daily basis. So I introed you as best as I possibly could. But is there anything else you want to add to that?
Jason (04:36):
No, I think ... yeah. I'm very grateful to be on the show. I'm very lucky to be ... you mentioned mental coaching and supporting startups. Again, very lucky, very grateful, very blessed to be able to really infuse my time and energy into meaningful projects and to meaningful people. I truly believe that the successes I've had are merely a byproduct of the meaningful work I accomplish. And so, if I can continue to infuse positivity and encouragement into other people's lives, it's a win for me.
Dusey (05:17):
I really love that outlook of saying, "Hey, if I can bring something to these other people ..." It's like the money will come at that point, if you're bringing value to other people. And I love focusing first on that. Of, "I know that if I'm helpful and valuable to them, if that's the case, things are going to work out." It doesn't mean that we don't try to have a solid plan and that there's not no more that we can do to try to optimize that stuff. But that needs to be the focus. I love that.
Jason (05:50):
Well, yeah, 100%. I was actually talking to one of my clients actually a couple of days ago. The entire concept of money is merely an exchange of value. You provide value. And in exchange, you receive financial compensation.
Jason (06:07):
And there's a reason why Michael Jordan is so wealthy. Why is he so wealthy? Because of the value he provided in the entertainment and sports world. And the value provides even today, in sneakers and Nike, and fashion.
Jason (06:22):
So it's all comes back to how much value are you providing to the masses? And therefore not necessarily focusing on the compensation. Kind of, "What's in it for me?" But more so, "How can I give without any expectation of return?"
Jason (06:36):
And oftentimes, that's when you actually get the return is when you don't have the expectation. You just do it to do it. And you say, "I'm going to do this," and that's that. End of story.
Crystal (06:48):
Well, I feel like you position yourself as a mental coach. And probably for very balanced and stable people out there, they might not know what that is. Me, as Dusey knows, I'm probably unstable most of the time and slightly unbalanced. So I get it 100%. But I thought maybe you could share a little bit more about what does being a mental coach actually mean.
Jason (07:09):
Yeah. Great question. So a mental coach is essentially a person that can support you into reaching your goals, championing you, being your sidekick, being your accountability partner. Being very open, very authentic, very vulnerable. The idea is to just make you better. That's all I want to do, is make you help make you better.
Jason (07:39):
If you want your money to be taken care of, you have a financial advisor. A lot of people hire personal trainers because they want to have their physical body in tip top shape. They hire people to do 60-minute sessions at the gym. I equate the exact same thing. Only instead of training your physical body, I'm not making you do push-ups, we're training your mental, your mind, and your spirit.
Crystal (08:05):
Totally. Well, good. I'm glad I did have it right. Because in my head, I was thinking that's about what it was. But you just never really know. I think at the end of the day, we spend so much time to make our body healthy, but we don't spend near enough time to really make sure our mind and our thought processes are healthy. So I think that's great that you do that.
Jason (08:27):
Yeah, absolutely. And I completely agree. It's so common across America for people to go to workout classes or go to the gym and get a workout. but where are you going to have your mind worked out and your soul? And where are you going to learn and to grow? Oftentimes for those folks who graduated high school or college, after their formal schooling is over, it's pretty much they're done. They don't necessarily grow as a person or are open to learning and growing in different ways.
Dusey (09:03):
So how does somebody get to that point where they can be open? Are there signs that everybody should be looking out for saying, "Am I open to what that experience is? Or how do I recognize if I'm way too out of whack?" Either in terms of not going after something enough, like almost too much on the side of taking care of myself, if that ... We're speaking to entrepreneurs so that's not really thing. Or on the other side of working so hard that I'm not taking care of myself. What are things that we can ... How can we make sure that we're open to those growing experiences, but also in a way that we're taking care of ourselves?
Jason (09:45):
Yeah. First and foremost, I think it comes down to the stories that we tell ourselves. And this is something that I preach to anyone I speak to, anyone that's interested in how I help people. There's no "fixing" to be done. There's nothing broken about you. There's nothing wrong with you. You are who you are right now today, and that's totally fine.
Jason (10:08):
I'm here to basically engage in a relationship where I say, "Hey, look. Wherever you are right now is totally awesome. We're going to put together a structured plan. We're going to identify what sort of goals you want to achieve. We're going to identify what are some of the things that might be preventing you from getting what you want out of life. And we're going to put together a pretty robust plan where we're going to be implementing tools and techniques that support you on a daily basis."
Jason (10:38):
So it's not like I'm just, again, someone that's just saying, "You can do it. Rah, rah, rah." We're talking about actual concrete tools and techniques where if and when the people I'm coaching say, "Oh, they're faced with something." They can literally ... like a toolbox. They pull out a tool depending upon what they need to fit to overcome or what they want to improve. That's the way I explain it. It's a mental toolbox. I'm equipping you with a mental toolbox so that no matter what challenge you find yourself in, you have the strength to overcome whatever's in front of you.
Dusey (11:13):
I remember when I was a teenager hearing somebody say something about to the effect of making the decision of how you're going to react in any given situation, what you're going to do when a situation comes up. If you have to make that decision in the moment, it's very difficult and much easier to make the right decision. But if you've made that decision ahead of time, then you're primed and ready to try to make the decision that you're wanting to do. And that idea of having toolboxes, I think really fits into that. Of, "I have a plan for what I need to use. I have these tactical things that I can do when this situation comes up." And being prepared with that, I think is super, super important.
Crystal (11:55):
Yeah, Dusey. I actually think-
Jason (11:57):
Yeah.
Crystal (11:58):
I was just going to say, I actually think I heard the same lesson probably from my pastor growing up, and they were always saying the same thing. You have to know before the moment hits what your plan is because it's so much easier to do things you don't agree with if you're waiting until that one moment to make the decision.
Jason (12:15):
Just to piggyback off of that, Crystal, we as humans, we always have the choice between the stimulus and a response. There's a space in between when the stimulus comes into our atmosphere. We have that space to choose what response we're going to give. And oftentimes, we as adults, we are just running on autopilot. We just immediately want to respond to what our feelings ... Internally, the first thing that comes to our minds. Oftentimes if there's some sort of a tumultuous conversation or argument, we're just immediately going to that place.
Jason (12:55):
When the reality is, is if we hit the pause button ... You might hear me say that often in this conversation. I love using the word, "the pause button". Let's hit the pause button on this. And let's take a step back and say, "Okay, this happened. Whatever it is, I have the choice to choose how I'm going to respond. I don't have to just immediately go to a place of negativity," which oftentimes is the "default."
Jason (13:18):
The example I love to use is the flat tire analogy. If you come outside to your car ... you leave your house or apartment, you come outside and you see that there's a flat tire. Your car has a flat tire. Now, if you hit the pause button on the world, we have two choices. We can either go negative, which most people would go negative. Which is, "What a piece of crap, Goodyear. I can't believe this. I can't believe I'm going to be late for work. It has to be this one day that I have a meeting I'm going to run late to."
Jason (13:47):
All of these things that are negative. When the reality is, it's not like the tire says, "Wow, Jason seems really upset that we're flat. Let's just go ahead and self-inflate." Nothing changes about that. So we have the choice. We have the choice to go, "Okay." We come downstairs, the tire's flat. Instead of going negative, let's go positive.
Jason (14:08):
And let's say, "Okay. Well, for starters, how grateful am I that I have a car? How grateful am I that 99% of the time I come out to start my car, there are no flat tires? How grateful am I that I have all these different ways to get to work? I can take an Uber. I can walk. I can ride my bicycle. I can ask my neighbor."
Jason (14:27):
All these things, we can choose to be grateful, but we don't. Most of the time we go to this place of negativity and that doesn't serve us. That doesn't serve our highest purpose. All we're doing is devoting ... yeah.
Dusey (14:42):
I think it's also good to remember that the tire wasn't out to get you, right?
Jason (14:45):
Yeah.
Crystal (14:46):
Totally.
Jason (14:47):
Yeah.
Crystal (14:49):
Totally. Ever since I had a blowout on the freeway, I feel like if I come out and find that the tire's already flat, I'm already like, "That's a blessing. This could have happened on the freeway." So I started looking at it differently once I had a different experience. And I was like, "Man, I never want to have that experience again." So anytime I have a slightly different, I'm like, "This is lucky. This is real lucky."
Jason (15:16):
Absolutely, absolutely. There's a wonderful analogy that I love to use. You may have heard of before. It's called the empty boat. And essentially, to make the story very quick, very short, this guy's on a ... he bought a beautiful boat. He's out in the middle of the ocean just loving life. Brand new boat. He's having the time of his life with his family.
Jason (15:36):
And then all of a sudden he hears a thud. And he sees that there's another boat that crashed into his. And what happens is he gets tons of anger and rage and he's just mortified. He's so pissed off. And what happens, he goes down to see that there's no one in the boat. And it's like, "Well, where does that anger go? Where does that frustration go?" Knowing that there was just an empty boat floating around in the ocean. It crashed into yours. It is what it is. Right? It's like-
Crystal (16:02):
Yeah.
Jason (16:03):
...you getting upset is not going to change the situation of your boat.
Crystal (16:06):
Yeah.
Dusey (16:07):
I love that. I love that story.
Crystal (16:07):
Totally. And the only one that's feeling the pain is yourself. Okay. So I want to ask one more question before we move to a quick break, which is, I know you know this personally, and all of our listeners do too, but what makes work-life balance different for leaders or entrepreneurs? Because you definitely have specified your audience. And I think it is very different than from ... It's hard for everyone. but there's certain things that make it different for leaders and entrepreneurs.
Jason (16:35):
Yeah. Here's the thing I go back to, is the leaders and entrepreneurs, they need to make sure that they're prioritizing their life. Not just their work. And I've seen this firsthand. I've experienced it myself in my early days at Groupon. I helped launch Groupon about 2009. So the thing is, is if we're just constantly focusing on work and ignoring all the other things that we need to have that quality energy, that quality work, it doesn't make sense to work 15 hours if eight of those hours are really quality, awesome work and the other seven are just half-ass mediocre work.
Jason (17:17):
But you get to say, "Yeah, I worked 15 hours," and you ignored movement, you ignored your exercise, you sat at your desk all day, you ordered in lunch and dinner, and you're eating takeout food, which isn't healthy. Your wife and your kids are home or your husband and kids. Whatever it is, you need to make sure ... The message I preach is, "You might think you're doing yourself and your company a favor by putting the extra two or three hours of work. But the reality is you'd be much better off taking a break, stopping work, getting some rejuvenation, spending time with your family, go outside, get some exercise, get some movement, eat healthy, and get a good night's sleep."
Dusey (18:01):
Yeah. It really ends up being beneficial in the long term, even though it seems like in the short term you're saying, "Oh, I'm not being productive." So Jason, what do you think are some of the biggest challenges balancing time for somebody who's trying to grow a business?
Dusey (18:16):
Because if I've got a stable job, there's a certain routine that I can get into. But I feel like as somebody who's an entrepreneur, the demands can just be so high. How do you help somebody either prioritize? What are the things that you see most often getting in the way of that work-life balance?
Jason (18:39):
I think it's a great question. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Hopefully, let's just say 8 hours of those 24 hours are sleeping. So that means we have 16 waking hours every single day. And to me, it seems like a big challenge that I've come across multiple times is the idea of just straight scheduling.
Jason (19:03):
If you're an entrepreneur, if you work for yourself; even if you work for a large corporation, if you're the CEO or on the executive board; whatever it is, if you have the discipline to go out there and to follow a schedule, regardless of how you feel, that is where you're going to close that gap between who you are today and who you know you're capable of becoming. Because oftentimes we let our feelings get in the way of what we want to accomplish.
Jason (19:31):
And what I mean by that is, let's just say, for example, you're an entrepreneur, you own your own business. And you have your alarm set for 5:00 AM because you want to get a 20-minute workout in before you go to start your work. If you look at the clock and it's 5:00 AM and the alarm goes off and you just say, "I really don't feel like working out today. I'm going to hit the snooze button," well, that doesn't serve your highest purpose.
Jason (19:53):
You've promised yourself you are going to build the schedule, you're going to proactively write your own schedule, you're going to follow it regardless of how you feel. And so if you can really implement the idea of time blocks, where you know, "Hey, from 5:00 to 5:30 I'm doing X and so on," you're going to have a pretty awesome masterpiece day.
Dusey (20:13):
What's interesting about that is it feels like a solution to both making sure you're accomplishing the goals you want to and making sure that you're not working too much, right? Like on either side of the spectrum you can do that.
Jason (20:27):
It's 100%. And not only that, it's a constant momentum of winning. And what I mean by that, when I say winning, is that you're winning three times. Because the first win is you actually planning the schedule out. You write it down, whatever it is.
Jason (20:42):
That's win number one. Win number two is when you actually follow the schedule for that day. You follow it as much as you can, as much as you're able to do so. You follow the schedule.
Jason (20:55):
And the third and final win is in the nighttime, when you look back and you say, "Oh man, let's just take a quick second, hit the pause button, and celebrate the fact that I did all these things I promised myself I would do."
Dusey (21:08):
Yeah. That's so important. Just soaking in that feeling.
Crystal (21:12):
I feel like too, even when I do that on my own calendar, I'll put time for me to do something. The problem I also have that I'm completely responsible for is when other things come up that seem urgent, I allow that to feel like a moveable meeting. When really it's like you had that there for a reason.
Crystal (21:30):
And I feel like we've had a couple entrepreneurs that talk about a work-life balance and they all cite scheduling as the number one way to really make sure they can keep a balanced life. That they schedule in their time to spend with their family, to spend doing things towards their goals. So what are a couple other ways entrepreneurs can help to balance their life outside of the scheduling as well?
Jason (21:54):
I love the idea of floors and ceilings. So the idea of the concept is that we all have ideals for our day, for our week, or what have you. Again, using the gym as an example, let's just say your ideal situation to workout, what you would love to have every single day, is 60 minutes to work out, to go to the gym. That's the ceiling. That's where you want to be. But the floor, the floor is something that is the bare minimum.
Jason (22:31):
So this way, you can at least at the very minimum hit your floor. And that way you don't feel like you failed yourself or you broke the momentum. And the floor could be something so small and so ... I call it stupid silly. It's so small. Let's just say again, the gym example, 60 minutes. That's the ceiling. Five pushups is the floor. Five burpees. Can you find time in your day to do five burpees-
Dusey (23:01):
What I love about that-
Jason (23:01):
...if you're-
Dusey (23:01):
is that if you-
Jason (23:03):
Yeah. If you're-
Dusey (23:06):
Sorry, go ahead.
Jason (23:07):
What? Oh, no, no. Go ahead, please.
Dusey (23:08):
What I love about that is if you say, "I'm just going to make sure that I hit the floor. That's all that I'm going to do today because that's all I can bother to do. I'd say for me, if I'm in that mood, about 50% of the time I go past the floor if I just started. Right?
Jason (23:28):
Yeah. 100%.
Dusey (23:28):
So if you're just saying, "I'll do at least that little bit." And the times that if I don't do that, at least I still did something. And you're right, it feels so much better.
Jason (23:40):
It's always better to do something rather than nothing. And speaking my personal path, the story I used to tell myself years ago was if I didn't have 45 minutes or 60 minutes to go to the gym, it "wasn't worth it". When the reality is, is that was just a story I told myself to feel better about myself.
Jason (24:02):
The reality is I was just too lazy. I said, "Oh, a half hour? That's not worth it. It's not worth my time to do 20 minutes of push-ups, and burpees, and air squats at home." I was just being lazy. Again, to me, telling myself that story, it makes me feel better. Because the reality is I just didn't feel like doing it and therefore I didn't do it.
Crystal (24:22):
I just remember this one time I had a friend. And she was like, "I can't believe you're eating pizza. You just went to the gym and worked out all hard." I looked at her and I said, "The pizza was happening regardless of the gym. I'm happy. I made it to the gym today so that I could enjoy the pizza even more."
Dusey (24:40):
Oh, that's great.
Jason (24:40):
There you go.
Crystal (24:40):
And she just looked at me. But I was like, "No, the pizza was going to happen regardless. What wasn't necessarily going to happen was a gym. So today I accomplished my goal."
Dusey (24:52):
I love that. I love that. I think it's important with physical fitness too. Because I find when I do that stuff, I have more energy for other things too. It's a double of checking the thing off. But then if it's a fitness thing, just doing a little bit of that each day just gives me energy for all the other stuff. So, yeah.
Jason (25:09):
Well, and what's awesome is the concept can really ... it's applicable to anything. Let's say you're trying to write a book and the ideal situation is for you to devote ... the ceiling is you want to write 10 pages. That's the ideal. "10 pages. I want to write 10 pages a day." But the floor is one sentence. "Can I find time in my day to write one sentence for this novel I'm writing." Odds are, if you make the floor stupid small, you're going to be able to find and/or make time in your day to at least hit the floor every single day.
Crystal (25:45):
And I think it's smart you use the idea of fitness as a way to describe what you're talking about. But when I really sit and think about the same way I feel when I accomplish something mentally, or I get my schedule aligned, is the same feeling I have when I just did a killer workout with my trainer. So I think those feelings are comparable. And if you feel that great after a workout, you're going to feel that great after working out your mind as well.
Jason (26:11):
Absolutely. And if you can string those along, all of a sudden, even if you didn't have this awesome 60-minute, 45-minute workout at the gym, even if you just hit the floor every day, 10 push-ups, 10 burpees, whatever it is, all of a sudden you're just constantly winning every single day.
Jason (26:30):
I like to use the analogy or the story Jerry Seinfeld mentions all the time, which is when he was starting out in New York City as a young comedian. He had this enormous calendar, a paper calendar on his fridge or on the wall. And every day he had to write one joke. And after he wrote the joke, he would put a big red X through that day on the calendar. And all of a sudden, if he's in 20, 30, 40, 50 days into the year, whatever it is, he's not going to let himself not get a red X on the calendar. It's just not going to happen.
Dusey (27:03):
So I've got a question because I need your help. That's a perfect example. You're making the joke a day. And whatever happens, you miss the X. You couldn't get to it. Something came in. Now what?
Jason (27:22):
Now what? You don't beat yourself up. You're not negative. You don't have the self-shame. You don't say "What an idiot I am, what a loser I am," because let's be honest, all of us humans, we have this voice inside us.
Jason (27:36):
And if we tell ourselves, if we beat ourselves up by missing that day, for whatever reason, it doesn't do us any good to say, "Oh God. I'm so sad. I'm so pissed off."
Jason (27:49):
That doesn't do us any good. What we do say is, "Okay." We acknowledge the reality. The reality is you didn't write the joke, you missed the day. Cool. Let's get back on track today.
Dusey (28:00):
Is there any technique that you could share with us to help? If somebody really struggles with that, like, "Okay, I'm stuck in that negative mindset." Hopefully after hearing some of this conversation, it's on their mind and they're saying, "Oh, okay, I see where I do that." They at least recognize that they're stuck in that mindset. What's some tool or tools that somebody could use to get themselves out of that?
Jason (28:24):
You want to be the river between structure and spontaneity. So the idea is, is how can you ... Using the joke example. You wrote the red X's on the calendar. You missed the day. It's up to you. Again, hitting the pause button. It's up to you to say, "Okay, how am I going to make this situation the best for me? How can I use this for fuel for my growth?"
Jason (28:54):
Because the thing is, is if the story we tell ourselves is, again, "What a loser I am, or what an idiot, or whatever," that doesn't support your highest. So that doesn't change anything. If the world were to freeze right now, you'd hit the pause button. Everything freezes. The only thing that you're doing is using this precious, beautiful energy and resources that you have and you're devoting it to negative things. Things that don't serve your highest frequency.
Crystal (29:19):
My mom was a social worker and I was bullied a little bit in fourth grade specifically. Oh, that was a horrible, horrible year of school for me. But I feel like she used to stop me and say, "Stop saying those things about yourself right now." She would say, "88% of the things you tell yourself tomorrow, without even realizing it, are things you've already told yourself before. You need to change the tape."
Crystal (29:48):
Back in the day it was a tape. So she would say, "Rewind the tape, start over, and you're going to say three things you love about yourself. And every day we're going to repeat those things and start changing what you're recording on that tape."
Crystal (30:02):
And I just think, man, that really helped me get through not only that year, but it helped me approach everything in my life differently. I'm very much accountable for where I'm at. I know what I'm working towards both personally, emotionally, as well as physically. But I also take time to really appreciate where I've come and also what I really like about myself.
Crystal (30:25):
So I think that really helped balance me and really set my mind to thinking about actionable things. "Okay. You don't like that? How are you going to change it?" And I think what you're saying, the river between, really brings me back to those moments of you're the only thing in your own way. You don't have to take in what others say about you. My mom would say, "What other people say about you is none of your business."
Dusey (30:50):
I love that.
Crystal (30:52):
She would say, "It's none of your business. You need to focus in on what you believe about yourself. If something they said hit you and you agree, then let's change that." You know? So I just think-
Jason (31:02):
Absolutely.
Crystal (31:03):
...really you need to have the center of gravity around how you believe and how you see the world. And it should be as positive as possible so that you can go into each day feeling better about what you're accomplishing.
Dusey (31:16):
So this-
Jason (31:18):
Absolutely. Yeah?
Dusey (31:19):
This might be too big of a question for us to end on. We're getting close to time here. I love that example that you shared, Crystal. And what I was thinking of is I remember a time when I didn't necessarily know myself, know what I was good at, know what I liked about myself.
Dusey (31:41):
So I'm curious what advice you have for somebody who's saying, I feel like I could "I don't really ..." I feel like I could look at somebody else and understand who they are and what they are. But me, looking in at myself, it's actually harder for me to understand what I'm like, and who I am, and what I like about myself. So how does somebody start that process if they're saying, "I actually don't know myself very well"?
Jason (32:04):
Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is a quote that I think is just tremendously valuable for everyone, doesn't matter who you are or what age. The quote is, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Oftentimes we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. We're saying, "Well, Jane has this kind of car, and Joe has this kind of job, and my neighbor, Bob, makes this much money." Whatever it is.
Jason (32:29):
The bottom line is the only person that you should be comparing yourself to is your former self. That's the only person because it just doesn't make sense for you to compare yourself to anyone else in the world. Even if it's your siblings, whatever. It doesn't matter. There's only one of you. You're unique. That's the only person you should be comparing yourself to, the former you.
Jason (32:55):
In terms of just interpersonal self-discovery, the thing is, is if I'm giving advice, to answer your question, it's about just writing things down. And if you don't know, celebrate the fact that you don't know. We love to beat ourselves up. If we don't know something, if we don't know the answer, we get frustrated. We're like, "I should know this. I should know what's really good about me. I should know what I love about myself." Well, hold on a second. Why don't we just hit the pause button and celebrate the fact that ... You know what? It's okay if you don't know. That's okay. We're not supposed to know everything.
Jason (33:36):
And using the example we talked about earlier in the call, it does you no good to beat yourself up. If you're sitting here, and you're getting upset and frustrated with yourself, that's the choice that you're making. don't make that choice. Make the choice of, "Do you know what? I'm going to be okay with ... Wherever I am in life right now is totally okay. And it's totally where I'm supposed to be right now. How do I know this? Because that's where I am."
Crystal (34:02):
Totally.
Jason (34:02):
That's where I am.
Crystal (34:04):
And Dusey, if you ever need to know who you are, I bet you would have a whole line of people, including myself, that would be happy to tell you all the great things that you are.
Dusey (34:12):
Thank you. Thank you.
Crystal (34:12):
So I think relying on the people that already really love you, those are the people that can be your balcony people and help cheer you on. But that being said, we're already going to have to push pause on this conversation. Because man, time, Jason, flew so quick with you. We're going to have to have you back on to talk about really strengthening relationships because I know that's another-
Jason (34:32):
Let's do it.
Crystal (34:32):
...specialty of yours. But you were so great to have on. I feel like you were 100% what I needed to hear today. Hopefully everyone out there is feeling the same because-
Dusey (34:40):
I'm feeling the same way. That's great.
Crystal (34:41):
...it was such positivity. Yeah. So thank you so much, Jason.
Jason (34:45):
Absolutely.
Crystal (34:46):
Can you tell everyone where to find you if they need help or they feel like they need a mental coach on their side?
Jason (34:51):
Yeah, absolutely. I appreciate you for having me on. This has been a tremendous conversation. I absolutely will, hopefully, come back. Next time I can come in the studio.
Crystal (35:02):
Yeah, that would be fun.
Jason (35:03):
Hopefully things will be back to normal. I can come in the studio. If people want to come reach out to me, you can find me at JKcoach.me. So one more time. That's the letters J, K; the word "coach"; .me; M, E.
Crystal (35:24):
And he's not just kidding about that. It's really JKcoach.
Jason (35:24):
That's right.
Crystal (35:24):
So there's no joke about that.
Jason (35:25):
Yeah, Jason Komosa. Jason Komosa.
Dusey (35:25):
Not just kidding. Jason Komosa.
Crystal (35:28):
Yes. Perfect. Well, thank you so much, Jason. Thanks Dusey for standing in for Scott today.
Dusey (35:33):
Absolutely.
Crystal (35:34):
I guess we'll call that a wrap for Small Biz Buzz.
Dusey (35:37):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
Hey, everyone. Today's show is brought to you by Beauty and the Boss by Maisha Hagan, the source for professional development for your inner boss lady. Maisha Hagan offers virtual one-on-one coaching, training, and workshop experience gained as a multimillion dollar director and executive.
Speaker 4 (35:55):
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